Thursday, May 18, 2006

since i'm here

i'd like to talk about characters. this helps me avoid a world populated with people like me. i was about to write what sort of world that would be like, but that would take some introspection. maybe by the end of this post i'll be able to come up with something.

here are a few simple character profiles of some interesting people i have known:

-female who, as vonnegut would say, was "a fairly pretty girl, except she had legs like an edwardian grand piano." somehow, this ended up producing an insincere manipulative personality that has trouble holding multiple friendships. her femme fatale attitude is diluted by the lack of any real seductive backing or aesthetic superiority.

-male, whose odd upbringing has created a naive opposition to situations deemed dangerous or against implanted values. insecurities projected through perceived persecution.

-female who is quite attractive, and as such, employs a curious sort of passive arrogance. this can come across as awkward courtesy. outwardly rigid in terms of emotion. inwardly empty.

-male whose personality type is that of a follower yet has leadership status placed upon him in most group settings. as such, his actions and opinions are easily suggested. personality development will continue until he accepts his role as a leader.

so far, this list has guided me toward a concept that i notice in most people. we like to establish environments that make us confortable. this is probably obvious to most people, but the extent that this really affects us may be underestimated.

i do it, too. i find myself being stand-offish to people outside my group of friends. i'm an isolationist who longs for company. maybe it's just diversion. my beliefs aren't very strong, and i hold to them for the sake of having convictions at all. i think in a world populated solely by people with my personality, all actions would forfeit to apathy. without the stimuli of other personality types, my personality would hypothetically have no inclination to do anything.

i feel that my personality is a reflection of my environment. my true self doesn't exist.

how deep.


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